Talk about breaking someone else's heart, or having your own heart broken.
I'm afraid to write about this one, but I will do it anyway. Writing about having my own heart broken would be easy enough, but that doesn't affect me nearly as much as when I do it to someone else. Having my own heart broken has definitely happened to me before, but I get over it. That's a pain I can handle. But breaking someone else's heart is a special kind of pain. I don't know that I've ever done it too many times and there are times when you don't know you have. I'm going to try to write about a time when I might have.
I met a woman at my job a few years ago. I guess it's several years ago now that I think about it. I'm thinking it's close to a decade now that I really think about it. She was pretty. I flirted with her like I do. She made a point to come back and ask for my number I think, or maybe I asked for her number. Anyway, we started hanging out and I really got along with her. We went out several times. I even went to her church a time or two I think. I met her family. Things seemed to be going pretty good.
Then I stopped calling her. I can't even remember why I did. I remember it getting to a certain point and realizing that it had been too long and that I should. But I still didn't.
I know things were going well. I got along with her family and everything. I was scared probably. I think things were going too well. In my mind I saw the future laid out before me and it scared me. I saw what was coming next after what was happening then and it was frightening. And this was so irrational because I was projecting years into the future even, and I'm not even sure I was aware of it. It wasn't even close to being serious, but going to church and meeting family seemed pretty serious, or at least going in that direction.
I feel egotistical assuming I broke her heart, but there is a bit of a postscript to this. I found out from a friend that she had asked about me, and the two of them had a talk. I'm a narcissist about people having conversations about me, but it hurt to hear about this conversation a little bit. She told my friend that she thought I was scared off by her family. She didn't say much else, but it hurt me to hear this, because I didn't really know at the time the reason I had stopped calling her, but I didn't think it was because of her family. I really don't know what may have happened had I not stopped calling her. I talked to her at least one time after hearing that, but I probably made it worse since I didn't keep in touch after that either.
I was such a jerk in this, but it was mainly due to insecurity. I feel like it probably did work out for the best. I'm sure she's married by now, 'cause she was pretty cool and very pretty. I may not have broken her heart necessarily, but I was an idiot. There would have been a much better way to handle the end of it. I am a very nice guy usually, or I try to be, and I don't think I meant to start ignoring her like I did. Maybe she forgot about me quick after I stopped calling for a few days, but maybe not. My friend who talked to her that day, who knows me pretty well, seemed to think she wouldn't have been right for me, but I regret the way it went down.
Post is for The Scintilla Project.
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