In the Middle of Believing (Blog)

Talk about an experience with faith, your own or someone else's 


My parents tried to raise me as a Christian. Most of the parts of my name have Biblical origins. About the time I was allowed to decide, though, I stopped going to church. I think it works for some people, but maybe not for me. When I say "works," I mean that it enriches their lives. I have had positive experiences with church, and I have met some very good people who were church goers. I'm not saying that religion is no good for anyone. I think a religious person with great values can be a rewarding friend to have.

Lately I have gravitated towards atheists and agnostics, though. This is not to say that I fall concretely into one of these categories myself, because I don't, but I can appreciate the sensibilities of these people. To be clear, I believe in something, but I don't think it's any conventional idea of God, or at least the Christian version anyway.

I think there is a balance, and I think that karma, or retribution exists. I think there is something to law of attraction maybe, but some of the people that write about that quote the Bible, too. I would like to have faith in something, whether it be a person, or love in general, or my own abilities to get through life.

I sound like I'm describing the Force from Star Wars or something, but my ideas are that general at times. I believe in friendship and love, and I have faith that there are still good people in the world, even though I've met some that are not. I've written about being positive, and sometimes I am not always the most positive person. I do get angry, though I try not to. I'm human; I have emotions. Things upset me, people annoy me sometimes, I'm not always nice, and every once in a while I am selfish, jealous, envious, self-centered, and short-sighted. I try to make these the exception and not the rule, though. I know my own tendencies. I know myself. I try to compensate for tendencies towards imperfections that I'm aware of.

I do try to improve myself. I work on me all the time in a way. I think that's what religion is for sometimes, to work on being a better person. Of course, it's not that way for everyone, and some religions concentrate on judging others too much for my tastes. I suppose I'm straddling the fence of religious conversion, and maybe I'm pissing off both sides of the believer/agnostic dichotomy. Maybe my parents would be sad to know I don't worship their God necessarily, and my atheists friends laugh that I believe there is a mystical book in the afterlife that lists every good and bad deed I've ever done and details everything about my life (a book which I totally hope exists).  

This post is for The Scintilla Project.