Monday, April 30, 2012

(Poem) Fire Burn Hope Faith

I.
For you I write this poem
But you may never read it.
Should it remain trapped on the pages of a book
Forever buried in the dust of the past?
Or should I let the world see it and laugh at my dramatics?
To never lose my passion is my only wish
To never lose the fire that keeps me burning at night
Thought it may burn me up, it lets me know I'm alive.
Fire indeed consumes me; I know little else but fever dreams
Of a time and a place when everything made sense.
What logic is this that once enthralled my boring part on the world's stage?

II.
The stage is a charred husk of its former self.
The light of day reveals the reality of the scene.
The world cannot contain these lines it seems and lets the ashes blow in the wind
For you it seems these verses were written; for you the pen has bled itself of ink.
The player cries because her scene is unfulfilled
The magic is gone it seems, if it was ever really there.
This emotion seemed real enough and the heat felt hot and seems to hurt still
For me my coals burn as much, though the embers flicker duller a little
But a spark of hope remains.    The fire does burn still.
Optimism is my only friend and a willingness to accept the possibilities is a gift I treasure.
Burn a little longer, love, and my inferno will be renewed as if it never stopped.


Can Let Go (Poem)

Well I think I may have finally
Learned how to forget you
When it was pointed out to me
That you might not be the one for me
That I only knew you for a short space of time
And maybe I didn't know you that well.

I will move on tonight
I will endeavor to forget
But it doesn't seem any less special
To admit that it wasn't meant to be
And that you are not meant for me
And I'm not meant for you.

The heartache I thought I may have felt
May have been an illusion
A sentimental thing
That I held on to for too long
A phantom thing that blows away with the wind
And doesn't come back.

So, it doesn't really hurt you see
Though maybe I thought it did
Logic it seems has saved me for once
With its rigid adherence to reality
And its true face of sobriety
A wake up call to sanity.

I face tomorrow and stop looking for you
Because you don't exist
Except as the romantic ideal that I held of you then
And the romanticized past
That I've learned to let go
And forget you as easily as a yesterday.

Understanding (Poem)

How many people for the rest of my life
Will truly understand me and what I'm about?
How many people will get what I think about life
And what I hate about it
And what I love about it?
Maybe you don't get everything, but some of the things
For some of the time
Is a compromise I'm willing to settle on.
They don't understand me
And sometimes you don't either
But I will settle for laughter
And mutual admiration
For a unique world view
If not exactly the same
Then differently the same
In that we are different
And they don't get us.
You understand at least
That no one else understands
And I thank you for that
And wish that others could
Understand for a moment at least
That beauty has value
And that little things do mean a lot
And that we're right there
If only for a moment
We are there together
And the world seems to make sense for that brief moment of time.

Quiet Again (Poem)

Walking when it threatens to rain
Trying to walk away from it all, but it all remains the same.
The problems I try to leave behind are there went I get home.
The worries I try to escape from
Don't go away because I travel
They stay with me and my world unravels.
To truly leave behind the turmoil myself
Into this quagmire to delve
I must learn to solve the mystery all on my own
I must harbor peace and try to be alone
Alone with my thoughts, that's where we were at first
Consider the situation, and it really could be worse
Travel the world in quiet and meet the quiet here
Stop thinking so much and just learn to hear.

Tribute to a Book (Poem)

Oh beautiful book, if that's what I should call you.
You're really more like an experience that I had one lifetime
'Cause it seems like another age ago since before I read your truth.
Your delicate pages that I pored through
Your pretty words that touched my soul
Fragile pages, or so they seemed
I never wanted the experience to cease.
Begin anew I can and read you again
Even though I already know how you end.
Don't we know how life ends though?
With the end of it, though we don't know how.
Like a book that you don't want to finish
Life should be that way, too
A pleasure to be enjoyed.
But you do know that the last page will come eventually
But who is to say if another book won't be started when my book ends
And the paper that makes me up becomes another book that just happening to begin?
Oh wonderful piece of literature, you,
With your writing so charming and wit to spare
How should I enjoy another book after you
And how pale they should seem when compared to your frame?
Even your binding and cover seem perfect
You're the perfect size, the perfect type set, the perfect number of pages
How then shall a summer reading compare to you?
You've ruined me it seems and I hate you for that
But that's not true either because I'll never forget you.
Marvelous marvel of words and verse
How poetic you seem and not just at first.
I long to experience your lot again
But I fear you are unique, just like a good friend.
I'll cherish you then, like I might this chum
And hope that to the charms of another book I succumb.
I'll search the rest of my life for another you
But I fear it is a search that shall never be through.

Ode to a Poem (Poem)

I give myself to you
I give it all,
My poem, I give to you, personified in verse,
I give to you, poem,
My anguish, my love, my pain, and my pleasure
It's all the same to you
It blurs together like paints on a canvas
I paint my life with color
I paint these pains and triumphs with the ease of a skilled artist
Where once I made the instrument sing
And the paint talk
I tell the words what to do now
I command them as best I can
I tell you all my secrets
I tell you about her and her
Only her, but then another one
Until you learn to suspect that I only love love
And what it does to me
And no one person.
Maybe this is true
And they're all the same
And I've never really loved.
But it feels real doesn't it?
You know that, poem,
Because you've felt it, too,
The pain and the joy
The love that feels real
The pleasures of it happening again as if for the first time
And the illusion that it wasn't like this before.
I lie to you, poem,
And say this is the one,
But you know me too well
And that this is but the latest
In a series of loves
In a row of lovers
And a dream of originality
That may not exist.
It seems real enough and maybe it is.
I do love poem and I love you, too
Let's be true to each other
And share our secrets like friends
Who give their love to each other because the world doesn't understand them
And only we two do.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Postcard (poem)

I wonder why after all this time
I still think of her though it's been too many years now
We really only met a time or two
And there was him to consider
His specter was there
I never met him really but he was there
And you were here.
You were on the phone with him
And I felt so wrong
We had talked
Your love was explained
Explained away or that's how it sounded to me.
A comfort quickly gained that felt so right.
I talked to myself even then,
"Don't fall too quick," I said,
"She probably buys all the men she just met today a hamburger dinner.
Don't look into her eyes and don't notice her smile;
Named after a singer (You'll forget in a while)"
She'd been wearing a cap and her face was hidden then.
"She's not so good looking and she looks rather plain."
I lied to myself and it was all just the same.
But then it happened: a moment not to forget.
You took down your hair and took off your cap.
Your wavy hair fell and I knew I was done.
Plain was a name that I could not call you
Boring was a description that a liar only would give you.
You offered me a postcard and gave it as a gift
You asked why I picked that one
And I said it would remind me of you.
I've lost that postcard or perhaps thrown it away
Trying to forget, it had too much to say
I was undone by the twirl or your hair
My fate was sealed then and there wasn't much to do
I called you beautiful to your face as a matter of fact
Would you even remember me now?
Or are you even still around?
All the others after you are just an attempt by me to rebound
To try to forget about you
And your lovely face too.
It starts to work
I've almost forgotten your face now
And I don't know what I'd do if we were face to face again.
I wouldn't know what to say or where to begin.
So I'll just continue to try to forget you
Though I fear there's little hope for that
If only I had kept that postcard
And you hadn't took off your hat.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

You Don't Have to be Sad (Poem)

I know the rain is pouring into your life
I know I caused a few storms for you in my time
I know I wish that I could make it all go away
But all I can do is listen and then I'll say:
"You don't have to be sad, it'll all be okay
There are people that love you and care that you are here
I'll be there for you always, from year to year
'Cause friends are what I live for and that's what you are."

I listen to you cry and I want to cry too
But I feel I should be strong and just be there for you
You are so special and it really breaks my heart
That you can't see right now just how special you are.
"You don't have to be sad, it'll all be okay
There are people that love you and care that you are here
I'll be there for you always, from year to year
'Cause friends are what I live for and that's what you are."

I wish that you could see how I see you now
Just a sad young girl that doesn't understand how
The world can be so cruel, especially to someone like you
Who's the best the world has to offer. What can we mortals do?
"You don't have to be sad, it'll all be okay
There are people that love you and care that you are here
I'll be there for you always, from year to year
'Cause friends are what I live for and that's what you are."

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

One More Poem Before I Sleep

One more poem before I sleep 


 To bury myself in slumber deep 


If I should die before I wake 


I hope that it's not for lack of love's sake 


I hope that I have adventures in my dreams 


I wish my dreaming world could be all that it seems 


I hope and pray that my dreams become real 

I bargain with creation, I beg and I deal 


To have the borders of the dream world fall back like a drawn curtain  


My dreams are still there Of that I am certain 


Sleep comes soon now and the real world waits until tomorrow 


A bit of hope for the future from my dreams I will borrow.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Still (Poem)

Still    tonight
My thoughts in flight.
A quiet contradiction.
My mind at peace.
I lie and rest   my thoughts ever changing
The more they stay the same the more it changes still.
Between the space of thought only two things exist
Whether one for the other and their respective places on Earth.
I hope for a resolution  I hope for the best still
I hope for the end of the storm   I hope for still
I strive for still but if I run it gets away
Still is the place I want to be.
Still is the calm I wish would envelop me.
Peace, it finds me, though a little the worse for wear
The storm it's nearly destroyed me, but I am still mostly there.
Hope I cling to   in the middle of the night
Hope I embrace you   And you smile a little too.
I wink and you laugh, hope,   that I haven't abandoned you yet.
The still is your friend    and we are all associates at last.
I was stupid then, and maybe more so now
Because I know the pitfalls of your pathways now
And walk down the hallway still.
Still will happen again, I steel myself for the onset
Of doubt that I steal    From insecurity I learn
From bitterness I burn   A lack of doubt is a poverty for which I yearn.
Doubt that I stamp out   Pride and joy that I earn.
Finally faced with peace I hardly know what to do
So I only start to hope again   And my troubles again are through.  

Libra Disney Spirit (Blog?)

I enjoy a wide variety of genres of music, movies, and comic books, but the ones I enjoy the most are the ones that have heart to them, regardless of where I find them. I'm way too old to have a full appreciation of Lizzie McGuire, but I went to see the movie with a friend way back when and I have some good memories associated with it. The soundtrack was pretty good and the title track has some stirring lyrics. It's a beautiful love song. Simple lyrics, yes. It's a Disney movie, yes. But if I read this as a poem, I would be moved, as I am by the song every time I hear it. Hillary Duff is a fellow Libra who I share a birthday with, too, though not the same year.
Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?
I could almost kiss the stars
They're shining so bright.
When I see you smiling I go
Oh oh oh
I would never want to miss this
In my heart I know what this is
This is what dreams are made of.

I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dreams are made of.

Have you ever wondered what life is about?
You could search the world and never figure it out.
You don't have to sail the ocean

Happiness is no mystery
It's here and now
It's you and me.



(Poem) I Think of You When I Hear a Song

Another poem from forever ago. I think I actually quote a Bobby Brown song in here. Not sure if I can back up that choice 5-year younger Jeremy, but I like the rest of it.
I think of you when I hear a song...

I think of you when I breathe...

How could it have been so long ago when it seems like yesterday?


When you call my name it's like a little prayer...


So close to me still after the years have passed. My thoughts drift to you though it seems absurd.


Just like a prayer I'll take you there...


The absurdity of love is the purity of its conviction.


I'm down on my knees...


Call my name, ask me if I love you, tell me that you know I do. 

Be the cool that I know you are and always have been.

Melt my heart with your voice.
Burn my blood with your eyes.


Someone please call 911



I love you so much but I could let you go, cause there's a lot of girls out there who won't say no...


I'm in so much trouble with you, but I always wanted to be. 


Always has been, always will be, never going to change.

If this is the kind of love that my mom used to warn me about...I'm in trouble.

In the Space of Infinity (Poem)

This is a poem I wrote close to 5 years ago that I recently unearthed from the vaults of Livejournal. I don't exactly know where I was at, but it's fun looking back on it. I actually really like it.
In the space of infinity I think of you again and I know I miss you so much even though it doesn't make sense.

In the space between moments I know I want to hear your voice again.

In the space between thoughts I know I think of you.

It's like a little prayer...

God let me stop...even though I know I can't. The space of moments is the curse of infinity.

I want to say you don't mean anything at all, but I know it's not true...

In the space it takes me to write about I could have written to you, but that doesn't matter because I don't want to do it.

There is no time or so it seems, 'cause how it could be when that seems like yesterday.

I give you everything that I am
I give you everything that I got

How can yesterday and today but so far apart when I can still remember that everything you said sounded like you had that sly smile on your face?

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Time and Books of Plenty (Poem)

Time:
I have as much as I want,
though I would have more everyday.
Friends:
I have as many as I need,
though more than I can tolerate.
Books:
As much more time as I could have
 to read more of these.
Writing:
A chore at times,
but always a part of me.
Learning:
Something I'm good at
but can never get enough of.

Combine all of these and there is time enough
and friends aplenty to learn all I can
about half of the things that I          
want to know everything about,
though I'll never understand
as much as I want to
nor should I
comprehend all that I want to.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Past Serendipity (Poem)

I wonder where you are right now.
I was drawing a picture on a newspaper when I met you
You literally rode into my life
You asked me what time it was
But it wasn't the right time
Or you were late
But just on time for me.
You showed some of your art and asked me if I liked it
I would have lied and said I did
But I liked it anyway.
I wondered if you really drew the post card you gave me
But I've lost it since then.
You bought me dinner and laughed at me a little
Though I didn't mind as much because you had a right to laugh at me some.
I tried to impress you a little, but didn't do a very good job.
When you took off your cap, your hair was so beautiful.
You said you didn't want anyone to recognize you and I was intrigued,
Your face was gorgeous, too, of course.
You mentioned some other things too that I didn't like too much.
We talked about some things that people who were more than friends might talk about
Like kids' names and stuff like that
And I started to feel like I had known you for a lot longer than I had.
I've gone over this in my head so many times and I've even written about it before
But it never stops being special
Though I've likely built it up in my mind.
I don't know what I would say to you if I saw you again.
It doesn't seem sane to say you might have been the love of my life
'Cause we barely knew each other long
And it was years ago now
But I still think about you so there must have been something to it.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Center of the Storm (Poem)

Left out in the cold
But the world has been generally warm.
Faced with the onset of a storm
I learned to enjoy the thunder.
Faced with a monsoon of doubt
I learned that there was something other than sadness.
Laugh at my doubting self
Make my more confident self vomit in revulsion.
Confidence might be an illusion
But it feels better than real pity.
Learn to stand on my own
Though the wind is blowing strongly.
Laugh at the falling branches
Lose them because I need myself.
Find my own calm now
Because I am the center of the storm.
The center that knows
That the storm will pass.
The center that knows
That this too shall pass.
The forest that will not burn
Though I may a little longer.
Find that quiet center
And let the peace take over the calamity.



Thursday, April 12, 2012

Worry (Poem)

There are things I shouldn't worry about
And things that I should.
I can't help worrying about you
And if you're doing good.
I can't help but think
There are thing that I should say
And things that I shouldn't have
Although it's all kind of gray.
I try to be my own best friend
But I'm not sure I really am
I worry too much for that
And I give too much of a damn.
I worry that I'm funny
I worry that I'm smart
I worry that people like me
I've made it into an art.
My worry threatens to consume me
In a fire of insecurity
And I worry about that even
And it all comes to naught.
My worry is senseless
As many things are
I worry that I can't let it go
And do what I ought.
Worry, I leave you behind tonight
To burn yourself up for once.
I concentrate on now this day
And let things fall as they may.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Forget the Senses of the Past (Poem)

Memory is imperfect, so I can hardly rely on that.
I only have now and what I sense today.
I feel the keys as I type in the now
I seem to remember the day as more chill than the day before, but I can't trust that you see
Because what if today was the same and I just don't remember yesterday right?
What if all the yesterdays are the same and I just forgot all of them wrong?
Some things you would like to forget
How they looked
How they felt
How they smelled
The noise you heard
The noise you made
It's all the same
It doesn't hurt
If I forget.
Forget it now, that's all I can do.
Remember it then, but maybe I can't
Or choose not to.
I refuse to believe that yesterday is the same
And maybe that's all that matters.
If I can't compare now and then
Then I'll just feel and remember now
Be happy or sad as the day calls for it
Smile, laugh, or cry
As I deem appropriate.
Cry because I'm touched, I hope,
And not because I'm sad.
Feel the now
And forget the senses of the past.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Inferno (Poem)

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I endure with myself and find love where I can.
I learn to love me and it all falls into place.
I'm in love with myself and I think that's okay.
Let the world call me a fool and maybe I am
But I won't abandon love or let it die with a whimper
I continue to let it burn like the fire of a thousand suns
The light of a brilliant star
Or the heat of a warm body.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm definitely not the only one
And my waking dream continues
To find an Inferno of passion
In a seemingly ordinary world.


Monday, April 9, 2012

Looking for Another You (poem)

You never thought I loved you
Though I know I did.
I may not have understood quite what love is
But I think I felt it still.
You played with me
And I didn't mean as much to you
Though I could have been more kind to you too
And I regret it everyday.
You are still there for me
And I think I truly love you now
And I understand real love I think
Though you have moved on
And I think about you still.


Sunday, April 8, 2012

(Fiction) The Third Planet of The Gothic Constellation of Thanatos Part 6


Everything so far in this story was written a few years ago, but I'm rewriting a little as I go along. I think I started this story as long ago as 6 years ago. For one difference, I've changed everything to present tense as it feels more personal for the experience. Parts of this story are surprising me with how dark they are and this section seems somewhat depressing with the suicidal woman at the cemetery, but I've left it mostly the same as I originally wrote it. 
The planet is called Eva and it’s the third planet in what they called the Thanatos constellation. Eva is the only planet that can support life in this system. The planet has the same name as a woman in their mythology. The story reminds me of Persephone from Greek mythology as I read it. There was a young woman who had traveled to a cemetery with the intention of killing herself. She was the most beautiful woman around, as far as she knew. The beautiful young woman removed her knife to slit her wrists, but Death appeared before her before she could start. Death found her to be a striking beauty and had appeared to convince her to reconsider. The woman protested and told him she would shortly be with him in death after she killed herself. Death said she wouldn’t be the same after Death. He was in love with her and would do anything to make love to her once. Reluctantly, Eva agreed to be his lover, but made Death promise that her relatives and ancestors would have long lives free of disease. Death quickly agreed and the deal was done. Death was not omniscient, however, and he had been tricked. The woman had planned to strike the unholy deal from the beginning. Her family had an illness that was passed on through the generations and her family line was in danger of dying. The woman herself was close to succumbing to the effects of the sickness even as she arrived at the cemetery. Death and the woman did become lovers and the child’s name was Eva. Eva lived a long life, as per the agreement, but when Death learned he had been tricked, he failed to remove Eva’s illness. She lived a long life, but it was eventually full of pain from her family’s genetic illness. Rather than go mad, Eva endured, and even prospered, despite her pain. The story was a symbol for the planet and surviving through hardships.
This world hardly seemed harsh to me yet, but the only place I’ve seen so far is the friendly environment of my father’s house. He was taking care of my every need, but maybe I was becoming sheltered from reality. I continue my lessons, but I think of little Eva from the story often. 
            After lunch one day, I ask my father about the story of Eva. He tried to hide his disappointment that I was asking about something I probably should have learned about ages ago.
            “Well, it is a tragic story, but inspiring at the same time. She lived a life in pain, but she tried to enjoy and cherish an existence that she had every reason to despise.”
            “Forgive me for asking . . . my memory is still a little fuzzy, you know . . . but is Eva really that bad of a place to live?”
            He hesitates before he answers. “It is no paradise at times, to be sure, but a home is what one makes it. There are many beautiful things to be found on this world, or any other, if one knows where to look.”
            “You’re doing . . . fine with your lessons. Keep up the pace and you will be your old self in no time.” I know he’s lying, and I feel bad that I’m not moving faster, but there is little I can do but continue to try my best.
            I keep reading from the computer, trying to advance as quickly as I can. I can read and speak the language obviously, but the context of history and news seems strange to me. Mathematics I pick up pretty well, but I don’t enjoy it. I wonder if the stereotypes about girls and math exist on this planet, though I didn't enjoy math much as a boy either. I don’t think about it long, though, I just concentrate on learning all I can.
            After one particularly long session, I remove my helmet and rub my eyes.
            “Long day?” my father asks. “You’re doing great.” I actually believe him this time, or he’s getting better about lying. “Time for bed for you, I’d say.”
            I go to my room and get ready for bed. By now I’m used to the strange animals that decorate the room, but I’d still hate to see the real-life version of this circus. I fall asleep quickly.

Fade Away, My Fear (Poem)

Sadness came to me like an old comfortable friend.
This feeling enveloped me, but I wanted it to end.
I shed it faster now though because I understand its pull.
Twin emotions of love and fear did have a grueling duel.
I looked around and saw happiness in the faces of strangers and friends
But I just felt a little numb and wondered why I wasn't like them.
I feel happy now, but the feeling had crept in again...

I was short with you then though I think you knew why
It was all about this or that and I didn't want to talk about it or even try
But eventually I told you and released it with a sigh.
Happiness fits better and flows over me like a warm blanket of sunshine
Several years ago I wouldn't have thought this life could be mine
But now I'm happy being me and though I do still get sad
I know it will go away and that it's all not so bad.
Peace has found me, though for long it alluded my grasp
I had to learn to stop chasing my tail and to stop being such an ass.
I had to learn to relax and find a bit of Heaven on Earth
I had to learn to love for real and give fear a wide birth.
I'm not afraid to love now; I'm not afraid of pain.
I'm more afraid of not trying now than of being hurt again.



In Dreaming I Remember You (Poem)

One day I was sleeping and I dreamed that I lost you.
In the dream I had never met you and we had never shared a moment or laughed about anything.
It was a nightmare really when I start to consider it.
I felt so lost then like I was in the dark of the woods
I must have been foolish to have dreamed up someone like you
I must have been dreaming in the first place to imagine someone like that.
You weren't perfect, but you were my not perfect.
And then I woke up and it was all better then.
The stars were realigned and we had been in the same world
And I didn't dream you up or write you in a story
I really had met you and shared some time together
I really had stumbled into you and my world was better still.
If I'm dreaming now I hope I don't wake up again
If I'm dreaming then I hope I find you there.


Saturday, April 7, 2012

No Regrets (Poem)

I may be bad at getting over you
But I'm perfectly good at the falling into you part
I may get hurt again, but at this point I'm caring less and less.
I think I just like the high of feeling like this again
I got addicted to love at a young age
And you're just the next in a long line of addictions
That I seem to be into
I may be wrong
But I think I'll get over you
I may be bad about forgetting sometimes
But I'm good at getting hurt in a brilliant way.
The feeling again of worrying about you
Of caring what happens to you
And what you think of me
It seems old but new again at the same time
This feeling that I'm addicted to
Happens again and again it seems
And I don't think I would change it if I could.
I know I can get hurt
I know the passion will fade in time
But it feels so damn good at times that it's worth all the pain.



All of the You's (Poem)

Don't go for second best, baby
I don't think that I will.
I've been waiting a long time for you it seems
But you might not exist.

I thought that I had met you a few times
But you were just a ephemeral dream that faded away in a summer whisper.
I thought it was going to happen with you on that long road
But you just rode your bike into the distance and back to him.

You made me feel the heat it's true
Yes, you really did.
I wanted it to be you so bad it was hurting me
But our ideas of what would work seemed to be as different as night and day
Or as separate as January and December are from each other.

I know it will take someone unique
To put up with the problem that is me.
Her patience may have to exceed my own to deal with me on a daily basis
We may have to figure me out together
And it may not be an equation that's solved overnight.

I will have to figure how to find you
Though I've been around the world and I can't find my baby
Did I already meet you maybe and ignore you?
Did I overlook you thinking it could never work?
Did I tell myself it could never work and make it happen like that?

When I asked you if it would be always be like this
And you looked me in the eyes and said it would pass in time
And let me kiss you to make it fade away a little
I really believed it would get better
And miraculously it really did.

When I touched you for the first time
And I was shaking like a leaf in a blustering storm
And you didn't laugh
I think I loved you then
It didn't work with you either, but it felt right at the time.

When you told me you wished it was me and not him
I wanted to believe you
But really I just cried
'Cause you knew how I felt
And you did it anyway
And I had to watch you with him, kissing and all that
Like I wanted to with you.

And then there were the you's that I introduced someone to
"You guys would be great together," I might have said
When really I realized I wanted it to be you and me
But I wasn't brave enough to say
And by the time I realized it, it was too late.

All the times I realized it wasn't you
All the times I had to move on.
I feel like I'm going have to write a novel to get over it
Get over not finding you
Get over missing you
Get over hurting you
Get over you hurting me
And solve the little problem of me and you.


Friday, April 6, 2012

Love Endures All Things (Poem)

I sit here again pining for you
And all that you do is think about him
What is he to me, but more importantly to you?
You've made your choice and I am left with regret.
What should I have done or changed or said?
How many years would I have to go back
To make it all right again?
How many things should I not have said?
How many times should I have said more?
How many times was I but a quiet fool
And how many times did I try too hard?
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
My insecurities are laid here before you in all their improper glory
I know that I'm wrong to feel this way
I know it's not right that I should harbor regret
I know it's not healthy to hold on this long,
And some day I know it won't hurt so much.
Someday I know this will all be a dream
Instead of the nightmare it seems to be.
Hold a place in your heart for me
As I surely do for you
And maybe someday I'll be happier still.






Thursday, April 5, 2012

End of Logic (Poem)

I remember you like it was yesterday
How it felt to touch and how it made me feel
I want to feel it again; I want to be that way again.
I never thought you would make me feel the way that you do
My logic abandoned me when it came to you
This feeling didn't make sense, but then it did
It made perfect sense in that it didn't make sense
If that makes sense.
My thoughts drift to you again, as they often do
And I feel sad that I can't move on
Even though it's clear that I should
My life needs to move on
My heart needs to heal.
But I can't give up quite yet
Even though it feels like I should
It makes sense that I should
But then the start and the middle and the end of this never made much sense either
So maybe sense is out the window
Maybe all that's left is love
And that's all I'm left with
My now unrequited love
And my now senseless world that lacks the logic I grasped so tightly to.


Wednesday, April 4, 2012

(Fiction) Third Planet in the Gothic Constellation of Thanatos Part 5


I look around at the pink walls of my bedroom. I forget where I’m at, but quickly remember. The room seems a little small for me, but it was probably made for a younger girl. Vanessa was dead, but now I am her. Does that make sense? Was that a dream or was that really her? Am I just trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense?        
        Dark colored stuffed animals decorate the shelves. One large one looks like a black dinosaur. There are some plastic animals too, smaller in size. There’s a plastic version of the black dinosaur, too.
            I hear a chime and my father comes into the room. “I took the liberty of preparing a dish you used to enjoy for your morning meal. I’m sure you will enjoy it as much as you always did.” He places the tray next to me on the bed. I lean up in bed and look at the food. It’s a piece of bread with a pink sauce on it. I pick up a knife and fork and cautiously take a bite.
            “Mmm,” I manage between chewing. The syrup and bread were both sweet.
            “Ah, good! I see your tasted have come back at least. Ha!” He seemed to be laughing at his own inside joke, and I wasn’t awake enough to think about what was so funny about what he said, or to even politely laugh with him.
            “Well,” he finally said, “I will leave you to your breakfast.” After he leaves, I finish the food pretty quickly, as I woke up being pretty hungry. I look around for clothes, but I don’t see any dressers. Then I notice the wall to the closet and open it. The only clothes I can find that fit me are one-size-fits-all medical gowns. I still don’t feel right in this body. I put one of the gowns on and start to look for my father.
            I’m back at the computer lessons after a while and it still seems like I’m reading children’s books, but I’m too confused by the stories to move to more advanced reading. I eventually decide to move on and just pick up words as I go. Then I realize why I’m so lost.
            One of the articles on the learning system is titled, “Harsh Living Conditions all over Eva Lead to Uprisings and Increased Crime.” I start to read it and realize I’m not just in a new body: I’m on a completely different world. It all starts to come into place. The language I could understand, but it had seemed a little odd, I didn’t recognize any constellations in the science section, and the weird stories made a little more sense now. 

Stuck on You Blues (Poem)


Today’s prompt is another musical one . . . [which] will revolve around writing a poem based on a musical form. (Hat tip to P. Agarwal!) . . . I suggest you write a blues.
The traditional blues song is the 12-bar blues, in which all the lyrics basically boil down to any number of three line stanzas in which two lines are more or less repeated, followed by a third line.

Note from me: I've turned what would have been a line into two lines, similar to what blues poets have done in the past.

In the dictionary next to the word beautiful
I'm sure there's a picture of you,
In the dictionary next to the word beautiful
I'm sure they found a picture of you
'Cause it seems like you're the perfect example
of what beautiful's meant to be.

And if you looked in that big book of words
Trying to find a picture of something that's sad
If you looked in that same old big book of words
Trying to find an example of something sad
Well, you might find a picture of me
Still thinking about you and all we could have had.

Well, I know it's been a long time
And I should have forgotten you by now.
Well, I sure know that it's been a long time
And I should have forgotten your face by now
But it's a lot harder to do
When I think you may still love me too.

I got to get myself together
Try to move on with my life
I need to get myself together
Try to move on with this life
But it's not the easiest thing I've ever done
Cause I think you might have been the one.

Now I know I'm being crazy
Saying there's no one else for me
I just know that I'm being crazy
Saying there'll never be anyone else for me
But though you make me feel like I'm losing my brain
I still know you're still the one that makes me sane.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Love Deferred (Poem)

I think of you today, but I haven't seen you since then
The day you broke my heart and let someone else in.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be with us
And I know there's someone better for me
But I still think of you and the way you make me smile.

I still think of you and the connection that we had
I tell myself you're not for me
But why else did you cross my path?
To teach me that I'm meant to love, I think
And that it's possible for me to be loved too.

I won't forget you very easily it seems
Though we are meant to be apart.
I think of you and smile again,
Because I let you in my heart.
I think of you and try to be glad that someone else has found you now.

Apart from each other, though I may see you again
You'll be with him still, and though I'm glad
I still wish it was me, but I'm not too sad
This was written before we met
But I would rewrite it if I had God's pen.

Is our future written in stone?
Do you pine for things to be different just like me?
Do you wish the hands of time could make us different and cross our paths again
At a different time when you could let me in?
I hold to the hope that this is true.

Rewrite the story, I think I will: we meet again, and everything's cool.
We meet for the first time and it's all the same
We are together now and none of the obstacles that wouldn't let it happen are justified
None of the reasons why not matter at all.
Our stars are aligned and we are quite requited as lovers should be
You are my sun and all I can see.

Maybe I'll wake up and this will all be true
I'll keep hoping for time to reverse the fate we see
Until then I am stuck writing my verse to make it all make sense
Trying to change things and make them right for me
Trying to adjust and remember you best
As the one that let me know that anything is possible still, even love it seems.


Monday, April 2, 2012

(Fiction) Third Planet in the Gothic Constellation of Thanatos Part 4


When I fall asleep, I have a dream about her. I have a dream about the girl I am. The dream about the girl whose life I have taken. I see something of her life before I came along. Vanessa gets sick and I see her father as a slightly younger man. She falls into a coma. The father argues with some other doctors, and they seem to be trying to tell him that she will never wake up. Even if she does, she won’t be the same, they say. The father is furious and refuses to accept this. He never leaves her side except to eat, and sometimes he forgets to do that. He keeps a quiet vigil over the girl who would never return.
The doctors insisted the little girl was all but dead. “Let her go,” they said. “She is gone from this world.” The father began to believe that these doctors could not help his daughter, or that they didn’t even want to. He decided to take his girl under his own care. He was experienced at caregiving. He had equipment of his own or a way to acquire what he didn’t have. What he didn’t own, he stole, and what he couldn’t steal, he made. But his money ran out before his love did, and soon he had to sell almost everything but his house to keep her alive. He sold his patents, his inventions, his formulas, and his bonds, and moved into an old lab in the country, all to keep her alive.
Throughout the sickness, the daughter never left his side, just as he never left hers. I see her spirit hovering, floating above him, over him, near him, watching him as he watched her, all through this unique vision of a fever dream telling me about her life.
“He never gave up hope,” a voice says to me. “Even when everyone else told him I was gone, he never gave up. Even when he might have known it himself, he still didn’t give up.” Somehow, Vanessa was speaking to me. I hear the voice of a young girl, younger than I am now. “I couldn’t leave him until I knew someone else would be there,” she continues, “But now there is you. You must be there for him to be what I cannot. Daddy needs me, but I can’t be there.” Her voice was sad, but determined, seeming more mature than this child could possibly be. “Be kind to him, as he will be kind to you.”
I wake up, trying to remember as much as I can.

Musical Breaking (Poem)

I hear that song and I think of you again
Do you think of me when you hear it, too?
It seems unlikely, but hope springs eternal for me.

And when you hear that song, do you think of when you sang it for me?
Or let me hear it, whispering it in my ear
As if it was you who wrote it, and you might as well have.

Do you hear the song and get happy and sad all at once?
Do you remember what it felt like to laugh together?
But someone else makes you laugh now.

Do you remember when I sang for you?
Do you remember how much I like to sing?
Do I even cross your mind at all anymore?

I can't lie awake wondering about the answers.
I shouldn't be concerned that I may never know.
There is music still to be made and heard for me.

Maybe her song when I meet her will be as sweet.
Maybe all of your songs will start to make me ache a little less.
Though maybe the music helps me realize that I even loved at all.


Poetry with Elvis (Poem)

And finally, our prompt for the day comes to us by way of The Line Break’s Tom Holmes. Write a poem inspired by the song that was #1 on the day that you were born.


Note: I picked the UK chart #1 song, 'cause it's an Elvis song, specifically Way Down.


Baby, you are getting so close,
The lights are all going out;
I can hear you breathing
And my resistance is in doubt.
I can feel it now, way down,
I can feel it now, it's a tidal wave,
I can feel it now and the fire blazes.


My head is still reeling
From your witch's spell
Your magic touch
Like a spinning carousel
Your love is a prescription a doctor wouldn't recommend.


I can feel it now, where the music plays.
I can feel it now, in so many ways.
The tsunami comes and the fire burns again
I can feel it now, it's becoming a trend.


Hold me again
As tight as you dare;
I need you right now
So let's go there together.


The original lyrics for comparison:



Babe, you're getting closer
The lights are goin' dim
The sound of your breathin'
Has made the mood I'm in
All of my resistance
Is lying on the floor
Taking me to places
I've never been before

Ooh, and I can feel it,
Feel it, feel it, feel it

Way down where the music plays
Way down like a tidal wave
Way down where the fires blaze
Way down, down, way, way on down

Ooh, my head is spinnin'
You got me in your spell,
A hundred magic fingers
On a whirling carousel
The medicine within me
No doctor could prescribe
Your love is doing something
That I just can't describe

Ooh, and I can feel it,
Feel it, feel it, feel it

Way down where the music plays
Way down like a tidal wave
Way down where the fires blaze
Way down, down, way, way on down

Hold me again,
Tight as you can
I need you so,
Baby, let's go

Way down where it feels so good
Way down where I hoped it would
Way down where I never could
Way down, down, way, way on down










Triolet (Poem)


And here’s another prompt for you (I figure I’ll actually end up with 31 prompts, since I posted one yesterday. Oh well. There are worse things than extra prompts! I think I may have done this one last year, anyway!) Have you ever read a triolet? These are nice, short little poems with very predictable rhyme schemes and repeated lines. They’re easy to write, but not easy to write well — all those repetitions can sound rather clanging or maudlin, if you’re not careful. But this also makes the triolet a good choice for satirical poems. If you’re in an April Fools’ Day mood, you might want to take that tack.
Anyway, a triolet has eight lines. The first, fourth, and seventh lines are identical. The second and eighth lines are also identical. The rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB.

I bet you think this poem is about you, don't you?
You are in my dreams every once in a while, though.
The hourglass has emptied and our love is through.
I bet you think this poem is about you, don't you?
I do still think of you, though years have passed since my love was new.
I've had loves since you, though the moving on was slow.
I bet you think this poem is about you, don't you?
You are in my dreams every once in a while, though.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

(Poem) Explanation of Doubting in a First World Setting


Way back in the 1600s, when you couldn’t walk ten feet in London without hitting a poet with some serious chops, “carpe diem” poems were a popular item. The one that first springs to my mind is Andrew Marvell’s To His Coy Mistress, in which the poet entreats his lady-love not to be a tease, because we’ll all be dead soon enough, and if she dies without smooching Andrew Marvell, well, that would just be terrible. I’m not sure if it succeeded as a seduction technique, but wit and joy pervades Marvell’s poem, despite its grim implications.
So in honor of the first day of NaPoWriMo, and Marvell’s observation that “though we cannot make our sun/Stand still, yet we will make him run,” I challenge you to seize the day with a “carpe diem” poem of your very own. This could be in the sassy, seductive vein, a la Marvell, or if you aren’t feeling sassy, there’s always the option of a spooky, contemplative poem. For a good example, check out Archibald MacLeish’sYou, Andrew Marvell, which owes as much to Shelley’s Ozymandias as it does to Marvell’s poem.


Why do you ever feel you have to satisfy me?

What good am I if I can't make you laugh (or smile at least)?

I should be the one trying for you it seems.

Making a fool of myself, is what I really mean.

Telling a stupid joke,  I am impressed by your grace

To not be done with me and say it's all a waste.

Fun is what we'll have, if I can but learn to relax.

I'm writing this poem for you, but to you I'm just a hack.

How droll to think I have to rhyme.

I should just stop now, but this might not be the line.

My doubts, my fears they multiply

They're always with me, I don't know why.

Abandon them on the side of the road I should

These doubts, these fears do me no good.

It seems I could be stuck with them, I'd say

So you might just have to overlook them, at least for today.

Someday my second guesses may come first

Someday my first thought won't be the worst.

But until that golden day of beautiful truth arrives,

(This day may never happen you realize)

It seems I will continue to wear the disguise

To act in control, to fake indifference

To be a joker (I think I can still do this)

To fake it long enough so it starts to feel real

To abandon all doubt and learn how to heal.

If you think that I am smart, hip, or cool

It's merely a facade of my inner duel

Between fear and love that I need to win.

I lose my doubt and life begins.